From disappointment to delight

Once I became pregnant I had a vision of what the birth would look like. This vision involved no drugs of any kind, a tub to relax in, a midwife and supportive husband to coach me through the birth, immediate skin to skin, and so much more. And then I found out my little one was breech at 36 weeks. I tried everything I could to get him to turn but it didn’t matter how many handstands I did in the pool, he was lodged up under my left ribcage and quite comfortable. Since he never flipped, my doctor talked to me about the very real possibility of a c section. There were so many prayers, what-ifs, and tears that went into making the decision to have the c section but a decision had to be made no matter how much I wanted to put it off.
We got to the hospital at 5am and I was promptly hooked up to a monitor, pricked and prodded, then sat around waiting for my surgery time. Ben was suited up in scrubs so he could come into the surgery room with me. I was then transferred to the OR where I got my spinal, which I was so nervous about but the anesthesiologists was fantastic and it didn’t hurt a bit. While I waited for the warm numbness to complete it’s course from my back down, I was prepped for surgery. They had me lay flat with my arms spread eagle out on either side and then the blue curtain was put up. I so wish they didn’t have to do this…I would have loved to see the procedure. I decided they needed to put in a hole and cover it with plastic, so it would still maintain a sterile environment of course, and that way I could see surgery. Although I’m sure there’s not a big market for that, I mean how many people want to see their insides taken out? I’m not sure. lol
Finally the spinal completely numbed me and they were able to start. I was never in pain but I could feel tugging and movements the entire time. There’s no weirder feeling than knowing someone is cutting you open and removing your insides but not being able to feel exactly was is going on. The worst part was when they got to Gideon. A mixture of the anesthesia and the sensation of them pulling Gideon out made me sick. While they removed him it literally felt like they were pulling out my ribcage. Afterward I said something to my doctor about it and she said she wasn’t surprised with how far up under my left ribs he was.
I remember asking if he was out and then being concerned that I couldn’t hear him. I had a hard time knowing that my baby was right there but I couldn’t see him. Finally I said I couldn’t hear him and at that moment he let out a beautiful wail. They did whatever doctors do with newborns and then he was brought over to me. I can’t even describe the surreal moment of holding the sweet little baby that I had connected with over his 9 months of growing inside me. It’s amazing how something so small takes up so much room in your heart!! He has been such a joy and I am so excited to watch sweet Gideon grow.

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