The lights are out; the neighborhood has settled down for the night. A cool breeze blows through the window screen. An owl’s cries can be heard in the distance. The house seems quiet, almost too quiet. Straining to hear a noise, anything that might give the silence away, a crash comes from downstairs, a car door slams, there is someone talking down the street. The darkness now seems to squeeze the walls in closer, claustrophobia sets in; the thoughts of what will happen next start to consume. Lying in the bed, the reassuring weight of the comforter leaves. It has left to expose the naked transparency that is now felt…
Every night spent alone, I go through the same thing. It’s like a sad moment in time stuck on repeat. I proudly claim to be an independent person, but the night still scares me. Although, I am not quite sure what I am afraid of. I find it humorous that when my husband is lying by my side I am perfectly fine. Honestly though, if someone were to break in, I have a feeling he would just sleep right through it. So in theory, I should be just as afraid. Maybe I figure if he is there, I can make a run for it? You know, the “I don’t have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you” philosophy? Just kidding honey…I love you! :)
This is our first deployment, so being alone at night is something I must get accustomed to. I say our, clearly he is doing all the work, but I would like to think that I am keeping down the fort at home. I am excited and nervous for this opportunity all at the same time. Such weird emotions come popping (Boy am I glad there is autocorrect!! I accidently typed pooping. Ha. Oh good. Now that the toilet humor is out of the way, I can continue on) out when you least expect it! In reality, the fact that he will soon be thousands of miles away has not hit me yet. Maybe it never will. I will just live out life for the next few months without feeling sad or anxious. That would be ideal. My biggest hope right now is that God is my foundation, my rock. My home is built upon His never-ending faithfulness and complete sovereignty. I am looking forward to the future and this season of life. I know we will be tested but I also know that we will be strengthened.
“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” Matthew 7:24-27 ESV